I had some other plans in my mind for this post, some other things I wanted to write…but this left me speechless…

One of the bigger truths of life…that I heard for the first time in an Art-of-Living course, and have kept with me. It is the truth that the more you resist something/someone, the more it persists. The only way is to stop resisting it…it stops persisting. So simple…

Doesn’t quite work though. As mortals, it is in human nature to keep thinking of the past, more so of events that were not good rather than the good ones, more of the sad events than the happy ones. We say that we have left our past behind, but we never truly do. There are those moments that keep coming back. Those people whom we can never forget. The betrayals that we can never get over. Life moves on, but do we allow it to?

Many would say that time is the biggest healer of all. I don;t think so. Time may heal the wounds, but what about the scars? Everytime you look at the scars, the pain comes back..and hits you the hardest when you least expect it to.

Which brings me back to the title of this post….stop looking at the scars, they say. There is no point in thinking of the hurt that is now past.

But isn’t it our past that shapes our future? Don;t the mistakes of our past become lessons for the future?

Stop resisting…my mind says…

but alas, the heart is deaf…

and dumb, and blind….

it only feels….sorrow n pain….anger n hurt….

and on those lucky days…some happiness…some smiles….

it wants to see light..but alas … it doesn;t wish to realize…

it is forever blind!!

The recent crisis in middle east has set me thinking, why does the world bombs? Have they ever done anything but take lives.

For a minute, imagine that a “bomb” was a person..and whenever this person went, he/she (i want no gender bias here) caused destruction and nothing else. What would we have done to it?

If it were the US government, it would have made special arrangements to make sure that Mr(s). Bomb produced as many offsprings as possible, and then stored them all away in silos. After this it would scare the world with its power, and would send one to any country who even hinted at having one.

If it were the Russian government, it would force Mr(s). Bomb to reproduce uncontrollably, and then without the resource to handle so many Bombs, things would go out of its hand. So now almost the entire world, except for the US, would have a bomb.

And if it were the chinese government, it would force Mr(s). Bomb to have only one child, and then neuter it. You know, thats how it is in China.

Ha ha

And on a totally different note, it has been reported that parents are now encouraging their

children to play near dangerous wells. Apparently the riches bestowed by the government on a

child who was recently recovered from a 60 ft borewell has prompted many parents to do so, some

even shoving their own childern down a well.

And on an even lighter note..italian footballer materazzi was served with a three match ban after being hit by Zidane on his chest. This has prompted several appeals in US courts by convicts who were punished for mugging and brutal assault. These convicts are asking the courts to also sentence the people whose heads, arms, legs etc. were broken, following the example of FIFA.

Now to end with a question. If conventional fuels (petrol, diesel etc.) are a dying breed, and are slowly growing more and more expensive, what on earth is keeping Honda from mass producing its fuel cell vehicle, which according to the claim on its website has been approved for commercial use since 2002???

Any answers????

Ok Ok, I know all those of you out there who know me would say that I am myself a wierd thing, but lets leave that one aside.

Following are six wierd things about me:

6. I can stay up till very late, and get up early in the morning

Of course, this is not including those times when night turns into morning, yet…

5. I can think of many things at a time

Quite wierd, right? Considering the fact that I can think about work while eating, think of what I am going to cook for dinner while in a client call(of course, paying equal attention to the client )

4. I can cook well

Many people won’t believe me when I say this, but I am a decent cook. The only thing that keeps me from cooking daily is wierd thing 3, that is:

3. I am lazy

When it comes to being lazy, you just can’t beat me at it. I was lazying this post off too, but….

2. I can remember a lot of things

Thats quite wierd you know, considering the fact that I still have clear memories of times when I was 3-4 years old…

1. I have seen God

Believe it, or not! I have seen God, had a chat with him, and then came back to this planet.

That;s why I am not afraid of dying, I know what;s on the other side of life.

The only important thing is, this is the only life you get. Thou shalt reap what thou sow!

Ok, now anyone whose feeling all pumped up reading the wierd things about me, why not take up the challenge n put up some wierd things about yourself up on your blog.

More posts to follow after another week, as I am travelling to Gujrat, MP & if time permits, the wet city(Mumbai)….

ciao

I saw Bruce Almighty after a long time yesterday…wonderful movie.

Though its the prayer at the end that inspires me most. Here it is:

BRUCE
If I could have just one thing in the world. It would be for Grace to live a happy, joyful life. And that she finds someone…(getting emotional as he realizes what he’s saying)…that she finds someone that will treat her with the love and respect that she so deserves.

God smiles the most satisfied of smiles.
GOD
Now that is a prayer.

That’s what I prayed for too…

Bruce Almighty Script courtesy IMSDB

Its been really long since I posted something. And the reason is that it is always hard for you to face up with yourself, have courage to look adversity in the face and shout out “i’m alive”. I have built up that courage.

It is difficult to stand up, when you have fallen on your last attempt to stand, no, you have been kicked to the ground on your last attempt to stand. It is difficult to sleep in the nights, its difficult to cope up with the loneliness and silence. But then, I decided, something must be done.

It is the weak who bow down, but I am not weak. I have to turn around. I have to find my feet..I must stand.

Sometimes it is amazing how one person, one moment can bring your whole life crashing around you. The future that was building inside your head smashed by the tsunami of tears triggered by a powerful earthquake that has rocked your life.

But you are a survivor, I keep telling myself. You can kick adversity away.

I always tell people, impossible is always possible. And this time I had to practise what I preach.

But have I succeeded? Have I been able to stand? Only time can tell. Though for now, I think its enough to say that I have buried the ghost of past.

To move on to the future…

Yes, the pain remains, the anger builds up at times, but I am trying to control my mind, my soul..I must not think of the past. I have to emerge as a stronger person.

And I tell my life, hey, you cannot win against my will. At the end of the day, it is me who shall win.

And yes, I am back. From now, I’ll write regularly, start some of the older topics(like breview)…..

As they say…”Allah ke bande hasde, jo bhi ho kal fir aayega“

It was evening, and I was on the terrace talking to myself. And waiting…

Then suddenly, in a flash, one of my longest standing questions was answered. And I found tears streaming out of my eyes. Tears of pain, tears of sadness but above all, tears of apology. I had always blamed her, my first love, for whatever went wrong in our relationship. Always thought that she had never told me why she left me. But it all came to me yesterday.

It wasn’t her, it was me. I was the one who had stopped caring, without even realizing. I was the one who took her love for granted. I was the one who wasn’t with her when she needed me the most. It wasn’t her, it was me all along.

And now, I have no way to tell her this. I don’t have her contact number, or her working e-mail id. Life has its own ways of getting back at you. I am sorry, sorry for blaming her…sorry for not being there. I don’t want her to look back, no. Just want her to know that I realize that it was me, not her. And I apologize.

But will she know?

And what opened my eyes? Well I was at the receiving end…and it was in those moments I thought, I had also did with her what was happening with me today. Life does come a full circle, and you pay off all your debts here only.

My only wish is that the person who was making me wait shouldn’t ever suffer or realize this, like I did today. May life never come a full circle for her….

amen

———UPDATE 11-May-2006—————-

Another beginning has come to an end….and another end beckons a beginning. This is what makes me feel a little better..

when there is nothing to look forward to?

Nobody loves me
Nobody cares for me
I’m goin to the garden
To eat some worms
Big fat squiggly worms
Small thin wriggly worms
I’m goin to the garden
To eat some worms….

P.S I had this poem in a moral science book, way back in 4th class. Of all the stuff I read that time, this is the only one I remember clearly.

I’ll never know why…..

If you have a seemingly impossible problem in front you.. what is the better option.

a) To fight the problem till you beat the problem or the problem beats you
b) To opt for any easy way out, and live with the problem.

FYI…I always try a), and I fail miserably….do you think i shud go for b)?