Yes dumpsters…I am back amongst you…

Reasons for being back in the dumps I wont discuss….it already hurts enough….

and for the first time in my life…

i realized why people think of ending their lives…

not that I want to, no….

I can take much more pain….

bring it on….

How many times has it happened that the day after tomorrow becomes a day that you are scared to face..?

When you don’t know what turn your life will take, the day after tomorrow…?

When you don’t know whether the day after tomorrow is goin to be the best day you can have, or the worst you can in your life?

um, God? Can I take a quick peek in my future..so that thoughts of the D-Day don’t spoil my today?

please…….

Why does hope exist? Why does the ray of sunlight break thru a cover of thick clouds when it knows it cant break them? Why do mirages exist in the desert when no one can take them?

Why is there always a small pause in the middle of every storm? Why is there a distant light in the darkness ever at all?

When the ray of light has to go back, when the mirages have to disappear, when the pause has to cease and give way to the fierce storm, when the distant light is going to fade out after all….

Are these just reassurances….to let man bear thru the dark n the storm, the desert n the dark…

or are they just a creation of man’s mind? a search for hope when there is none…a search for water when there is desert for miles and miles….

is hope the only means of survival? why? why not finish it all at one go, kill the hope n kill the soul.

kill the future..n kill the goal…

let tomorrow never live…if darkness is what exists…

if darkness must remain, never show the light….

if hopelessness must prevail, let hope never rise!!!

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Song: Annie’s Song
Singer: John Denver

This is almost all that I have to say…..

Shed a tear ’cause I’m missing you
I’m still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn’t sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you’re in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It’ll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we’ll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Patience…
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
‘Cause I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
‘Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I’ve got what it takes to make it
We won’t fake it, Oh never break it
‘Cause I can’t take it

…little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati… (ence, yeah)
I’ve been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It’s hard to see with so many around
You know I don’t like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don’t change but maybe the name
I ain’t got time for the game
‘Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me….

Artist: Guns N’ Roses
Song: Patience

I hope you understand me….

baatein to kayi hai jo kah sakte hain hum
aapke chale jaane pe ro sakte hain hum
humari duayen humesha hai aapke saath fir bhi..
jaate jaate aapko ek muskurahat to de sakte hain hum!

akruti…i wont ask you to come back, but I want you to….otherwise even silence will stop expressing itself.

and something that should bring you back, at least I hope so.

shaam se aankh mein nammi si hai
aaj phir aap ki kami si hai
shaam se aankh mein nami si hai

dafan karr do humme ke sans mille
nabaj kuch derr se thami si hai
aaj phir aap ki kammi si hai

waqt rehta nahin kahi tikk karr
iski aadat bhi aadami si hai
iss ki aadat bhi aadami si hai
aaj phir aap ki kammi si hai

koi rishta nahin raha phir bhi ek tasvir lajmi si hai
shaam se aankh mein nammi si hai
aaj phir aap ki kammi si hai

me, of course. Who else can be so lazy as to create a new post even after opening the “create” page of blogger once every day? And who else can be so lazy to not blog-hop for so many days….

But the truth is that lazy is not the accurate word to describe my state right now. I am kind of busy-in-office-occupied-in-mind state that does not allow you to do much. So I rather prefer to call myself lazy, plus this gives me a lot of excuses otherwise too.

There’s been too much going on, too much to the extent that I am not behaving like myself. Fending off Mom’s anxious queries “beta(that’s son, for the non-hindi speakers) are you all right? You seem to be worried?” with a careless yes-mom-im-fine-its-just-the work statement.But am I really fine? I know I am not, coz this is not how I am…useless blabber this one was.

anyways…

and at this moment I am quickly trying to hop thru all the blogs I usually read, just to work away my potential guilt…tough job, but I ‘m trying ok…

There’s so much I want to do…but all I end up soing is procrastinate(did I spell it right?)..hell I don’t know why but this is becoming one of my favourite past-times recently..though its my personal stuff I end up pro..whatever, so no harm done on the office front.

Right now I am trying to read blogs + write this post + listen to music + thinking whether I should have a coffee or just hit the sack?

Why is life full of choices, and why do our choices seem wrong in hindsight…

I must stop looking at my hind…rather my past I left behind.

And frankly speaking, I do not know how many are going to reach this point, but if you do, I must really appreciate your patience for reading this gibberish so far…and at the same time admiring my patience of writing so far(its lighter on my conscience(to hell with spellings) to not call it gibberish while writing).

And on an unrelated note, I got a promotion to the post of Senior Software Engg. ( the best compliment I received was from a dude was to refer to my designation as a Stupid Software Engg..ha ha ). So all you party hunters, increase that count by one more, and remember it when you catch me.

And on an even more unrelated note, coherent rambling completed one year of its existance. This one year has meant a lot to my life, and so has coherent rambling. My sincere thanks to all of my friends who read this blog, those who comment and those who not…you have always been a source of encouragement to me…and I dont think its wrong to name a few of you close to my heart here:

Neelima, Nupur, WD, Recca, Phantom, J, sophie, Somu, Smyta, Melody….

and all who’ve read my blog ever….

just two words sum it up for me today “THANK YOU”

P.S. I wrote this when I was in love with a very special person..someone who taught me how to care, how to feel, how to find happiness in small things…how to dream..how to dare…how to love. Today, when its a full year of darkness in my heart, I guess there can be no better tribute to the person who was the first one to light up my heart, and also the first one to take the light out of it!

Date: 3-October-2003
Place: Computer Networks Lecture, 7th Sem
Time: 0930 am

Love. Said to be the most wonderful thing that can happen to any human. The association of a person with love starts from the day he is born, his first love being his mother, who is the reason for his being. As he grows up, he starts falling in love with a lot of people and a lot of things around him. But he never understands what is love. True, very true that love can be felt, can be experienced, can be shared, can be given and takenm but yet cannot be understood. You never know why you are in love. Maybe that is what true love is all about, being in it but not knowing why you are in it.

Love may be the most wonderful gift to get, but nothing satisfies more than giving love. The feeling is something that is worth all the happiness you give, but remember, give it without expecting any returns. For love does not see, it is blind.

adios..

In 2005 we had…

terrorrists who had many a blast…in India, Iraq, UK…and many other places…

a defiant US, who reciprocated blast by blast…

Saddam captured as a rat in a hole…

And Osama still at large…

Big B ruling India’s heart…

And metro winning Delhi’s heart….

sensex crashing down…and then proving itself as a phoenix…

abu salem in the dock…and dawood still a free bird…

men acting more and more as scavengers of females…

and some men also acting as saviours…

women of tomorrow making their mark…and women of yesterday forcing theirs…

one katrina winning hearts in India…

while the other ravaging US…

Mumbai showing its infallible spirit….inspite of being soaked….

and politics being proved as the dirty mudhole everyone knew it was..

schumaker finally losing off to Alonso…

and Narain speeding away to glory…

as Sania served a delight…while Anand happliy moved a knight….

And as always, Calvin says:

a year that came with many promises…that it passes on to the next one….

wishes, aspirations, dreams, desires….

hopes, feelings & resolutions…

for a better life…for a better world…

tomorrow…and the day after.

May God bless all of you..and may all your wishes come true.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS…..HAVE A GREAT TIME.

And remember…in 2006..

1. Plant a tree.
2. Walk if can…dont burn fuel.
3. Dont litter.
4. Spread love, peace n smiles, not war.
5. Fight injustice.
6. Keep reading coherent rambling

ciao.

P.S: On a sombre note…2005 began with a heartbreak…and ends with another one for me….Hope 2006 will be better

Date : 22-August
Year : Unknown
Time : Unknown

Soltitude, something that you always need, rarely have. But when you begin having it & enjoying it, it takes the party out of your life. If you prefer to be left alone for some time, everyone prefers to leave you alone for all the time. Something I really don’t understand. After all, everyone must be left alone for some time. But then I mustn’t generalize this, no. Not everyone will let you have peace un your soltitude. And not everyone will be disrespectful of the fact that you need some time alone. To talk to yourself, and by this I do not mean standing in front of the mirror & watching your reflection cut you down to suze. What I mean is introspection, something that more has to do with you giving a first person account of yourself. Introspection is tough, because most of the time we think about us in a very relative fashion, relative to what others think of us, how does the society behave when we enter it.

Knowing one self is difficult, but when you know yourself, you know all that you need to know. In other words, you get closer to perfection. But don;t aim to become perfect, neither can you.Because that defies the very basis of our existence on this planet, that is to do something even the almighty cannot do : Making mistakes!

P.S: Deja Vu is a collection of some of my ramblings from college days, word-to-word. Hope I sound sane

ciao