My heart was broken earlier …. now its shattered!!

It just got official. I have now been asked never to call, mail, sms, or try to get in touch by any means. Although I had expected this, but I didn’t know it would be so tough actually… to think of all those wonderful moments……sighhhhhhhhhh….but its all past now.

Finally after all this time, I finally have my heart back. The difference being that its now shattered in to tiny pieces, & I intend to let it remain that way. Just like some poet said(guess it was robert frost, could be wordsworth for that matter):

The woods are dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep…
And miles to go before I sleep.

Some questions still remain…..& I know that one day I’ll get the answers to all of them. One day…..

Came back from home on Monday. And was really amazed by a kid I met on the train. This guy was just in 2nd grade, and was sharper than any 5th grade kid. I haven’t heard a kid introduce himself so perfectly. And boy, was he sharp. He was playing with some toys(atleast something normal), knew of words like teleportation(i never even heard of them till high school) and was interested in a gentleman’s laptop more than his toys. Sharp kid….
And believe it or not, I forgot the dude’s good name, though I can remember it begins with S.

And got lots of stuff, a new mobile (Nokia 3220), and lots of nice memories bout this trip.

Wanted to ramble about the latest stings (carried out by some TV guys), but won’t. Everyone has a right to privacy & I don’t want to give my views on a topic that concerns someone’s personal space.

Hey Shantz & Vishal, the party remains due… big time.

And before I go… something I liked from a forward…

I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.

adios….

Lots of holidays coming up… tomorrow onwards….

Part of hem are my creation… takin 2 days leave from work & heading out home, thus getting the entire week off. A well deserved break from work after a long time (last one was in Nov)

Also I am really happy for Shantz & vishal, both are going onsite to Dallas in Apr… hope your visas get cleared up & u r headed for the “land of freedom” pretty soon. Though the party still remains due……

Looking forward to lot of rest at home, away from work & computers….though I gotta get myself a new cellfone… lets see which one I pick up.

And finally meeting up with family…poor guys rarely get to see me these days….though its been much the same matter for the last 4 yrs or so. Guess they must have gotten used to this “visitor”.

And after a long time, me feeling great today. Was pretty low for some time, but now I guess I’m back in action. Just goin to get charged up & then ‘ll be all up & goin from monday.

Life ain’t fair…. but then it won’t be any fun.

Nothing new, I know, still, life sucks.

Its really amazing to know how much is there in this world to do, & its even more amazing to know how little is really possible. I know that all of you “i m possible” types would be crying foul…to heck with ya’all….

These days its pretty boring. Life has become very monotonous, except for the daily evening badminton sessions.A movie every weekend (it was constantine this time) also does not help out much. There is rarely any time to relax.

When I was small, my parents & teachers used to say “work hard now & u’ll enjoy in college” . In college the profs used to say, “work hard now & u’ll enjoy when u get a good job”. Damned liars, all of them.

Aaaargh!!!! It sucks!!!

It couldn’t be better. It could be worse.

adios

OK… will talk about only one disaster here, of which I know a lot. The bhopal gas tragedy.

A long time ago, in the cold month of december, there was a gas leak in a town called bhopal. The gas was MIC(methyl iso-cyanate), very poisonous. Lacs of townsfolk died, several lacs affected and living their lives in gassed misery….. this was the introduction.

After the gas leak, the govt announced compensation for all affected people. Fair enough. But what the govt did not ensure(as always) that everyone who was getting a chunk of that money was worthy of it or not. I myself know of people who weren’t affected, who didn’t even belong to the city, but who are getting huge amounts of compensation. Very unfair.

And what about the affected who got the compensation? Well most of them are still living out in slums, having spent all that money, and waiting for another round of compensation, that’ll be shortly dispensed. So nice.

Would it not have been better to give these people some source of income rather than the money itself?Sounds good to me, at least it would have provided better lives to many of these. Just like the chinese folk tale, where the younger brother does not give food to a beggar, but takes him to a pond and teaches him how to fish!!

I’d rather see the govt. spend that compensation money to generate jobs reserved for these affected people, clean up their localities of the poisonous chemicals that still linger in the water, give them better living condidtions…….but I guess giving away money just sounds so good, to the short-sighted Indian voters and politicos…..hell why does everything always come down to this???

I am really anguished today……

just learned that there is going to be another series of tests out here at my office to prove if i am ‘competent enough’…..gimme a break guys..

there already have been loads of tests out here, and they still want more. So I guess its high time I barfed out my opinion on these.

Y’know when I was in college, I loathed tests.They do nothing but test your cramming ability. And the toppers of these tests generally are the dumbest guys around when it comes to implementation. Not always though, but mostly. One of my prime reasons for doin a job right after college is that I HATE TESTS. But now things are back to square one. Tests & more tests again….the best part being now I am paid to answer these….

I guess our managers like to see how good we are. I think that should show from our work. But by taking these tests they are simply stressing us guys out. Rather than thinking of any innovations that we might be able to bring, all we think of is the test scheduled n some future date. The test results do more bad than good to the team’s morale….after all everyone won’t get good marks, and those who don’t feel degraded.

don’t know what this world is coming to……hell …. as though i give it a damn.

Sometimes by looking at the state of Indian democracy, I really wonder why the maoists in Nepal are fighting for it in the first place?

India is a great democracy. Elections are held freely, fairly here. Agreed, though with a pretty heavy heart. In the next few days, Indian democracy will be tested for these virtues when the states of Bihar, Haryana go on polls. It is common knowledge in India that any election that is held in Bihar is rigged to a great extent. Although the EC tries its best to ensure a fair election, things are not so great. Its pretty simple, either you vote for party x or you are dead! Or something like, if you poll 100 bogus votes then you go to sleep with a full stomach that night.

In every industry, customer is treated as God. You are answerable to your customer. I guess the same logic must apply to the politicians as well. After all, it is the public that elects them, that puts them on those chairs(or kursis). The actual reflection of this committment is the Indian parliament, but by looking at the proceedings I wonder if these people are representing the people who elected them or are they simply fighting for their own ideologies, putting self before nation. Although this may sound hasrh, but the arliament sessions have become a mockery of the Indian democracy.

Someone must do something, rather everyone must do something. Only then there is hope.

Otherwise the day is not far when the democracy will crumble, fall apart, & we’ll all be at the mercy of the, hell what’s the big difference anyways……..

huh..well..here’s a topic close to my heart. What is love? is it something that makes you into an object that can be manipulated by circumstance, fate, chance, or by the person you love? Or is it some great feeling that leads to total bliss? I don’t know. Well I have fallen in & out of it, but the experience left me poorer. I learnt nothing new, lost my heart, gave away my freedom & got pain in return. Its easy to set your loved one free, its hard to let go. You try to find every small thread of hope & try clinging to it, but when it breaks you still don’t let go, you look out for another thread.

I have read a lot of opinions about love, have my own two-piece to add to it, but don’t know if its all true. Well love is blind, for that matter, but it also makes the lovers blind. Blind to the reality around them. And as with reality, it always hits you hardest at the worst time. Life really knows to play mean..

Well I know I sound very pessimistic, low , whatever..but i m trying to forget, trying not to hold on….

May God help me. and the countless others who have been in similar situations.

just to quote calvin before signing off

“Your heart falls into your stomach & splashes your innards. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brains and you get all woozy. Your mouth disengages and you babble like cretin until she leaves.” - opinion on love

signing off ……

Hi all

This is my first in a series of coherent ramblings. I am pretty new to writing a blog, but guess I’ll learn as time passes by. Something bout myself. I am Ashish, working as a software engineer, loving Calvin ‘n Hobbes, Formula 1 cars, reading Dan Brown, and from now on, writing blogs!!

Lets see how this works out….

Signing off for now..

@$#!$#